Even when we're gone
by Sokeefe555
Summary: Keefe has always loved Sophie. And Sophie has always loved Keefe. The way their lives work shouldn't change that, should it? Rated T for language, suggestive elements, violence, and death


**Hola, friends! Be prepared for depression! Death! Love! And even more death! :)**

**WARNING: THIS FIC HAS SELF-HARM AND SUICIDE IN IT. IF YOU ARENT OKAY WITH THAT OR IT TRIGGERS YOU, PLEASE DONT READ. **

There was so much blood around them. Sophie whirled through the battle, taking out any Neverseen agents she could, only spattering the ground with more blood. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched as Keefe attacked Ruy relentlessly, fighting the forcefield sword with a sharpened metal one. They had all been given a wide array of weapons, most of them choosing swords, throwing knifes, or throwing stars.

She smiled faintly, knowing that he would fight until his very last breath. He wouldn't have to, though. Once Vespera was gone, the Neverseen wouldn't have anyone to guide them, and the battle would end. She picked Vespera out of the crowd. Red rimmed Sophie's vision as she watched her slay the children in front of her.

She leapt, using levitation to lift her so high in the air that when she landed, the ground shook.

"Ah, Sophie Foster," Vespera leered, smiling. "Just who I was hoping to find."

Sophie glared at her. "You will pay for everything you've done."

"Mhm. That's what heroes always say. Just before they're killed." She hissed the last part, a serpentine smile showing her perfectly white teeth. Sophie struck, a white-hot blade of anger shooting straight for Vespera's icy heart. It dissipated as soon as it hit her. The cap that shielded her from inflicting. She had to get it off.

"That won't work, dear," Vespera purred.

Sophie drew her feet back into a fighting stance. Arrogance... that's what was getting on her nerves. The way that Vespera spoke. So that was exactly what she would have to do back. Her last words weren't going to be begging for life. She wasn't going to die a coward. So she lifted her chin and smirked. Her heart broke a bit at that, just thinking of Keefe, knowing that he would have to live without her if she didn't make it through. But she didn't show it.

"I guess it'll be the old fashioned way, then," Sophie said, relaxing her muscles and flashing her teeth. It felt good when Vespera blinked, the only sign of her confusion.

"It guess it must." Blade suddenly met blade, the sound clanging through the battlefield. And then Sophie was moving, quicker than what would have been humanly possible, ducking and twisting and kicking. Everything was a blur except for them, fighting for everything around them. Sophie swung for her neck, and Vespera ducked. The very edge of her sword caught the edge of the cap and it ripped, tearing off of her head perfectly.

Suddenly, pain flared through her middle, and she looked down to find Vespera's sword retracting from her belly. She made a strangled sound, clutching her middle as she fell. Vespera laughed, and Sophie took every ounce of anger and sadness and hurt and sharpened it into an unbreakable blade. Suddenly, Vespera stopped, her eyes going wide with terror as every drop of negative emotion from Sophie's heart was drained and shoved into hers.

"You..." Vespera started. And then she was dead, the brokenness of Sophie's heart wrapping around hers and crushing it.

"_NO!_" She heard Keefe scream and watched as he thrust a knife into Ruy's heart, then ran straight to her. The battlefield went quiet as his knees hit the ground beside her. Tears were in his eyes, and his entire body shook.

"_You can't do this_," he begged.

"I love you, Keefe," Sophie choked out over the pain, smiling even though tears were streaming down her face. "Go be happy without me."

"You'll be okay! Elwin's coming," he sobbed, his hands shaking as he brushed he hair away from her face. "You have to be okay."

She smiled sadly. "Oh, Keefe. I'm already gone. I love you," she whispered the last part, her breath not enough to yell it from every mountain like she wanted to.

"No! _No! Sophie!_" He screamed, sobbing. She felt herself take her last breath, and she closed her eyes, then opened them. She hovered there, watching him mourn her. Tears ran down her face, and she watched sadly as her other friends came running over.

"She's gone," Keefe whispered, holding her broken body.

"She can't be," Biana snapped, tears brimming in her eyes. "Check again."

"She's gone, Biana," Tam whispered, wrapping a comforting arm around her.

She shook herself out of his grasp.

"Check again," she demanded, sobbing through her teeth.

"Biana," Tam said, tears running down his cheeks. He pulled her into a hug as she sobbed, collapsing into him.

Linh fell to her knees. Wylie put a hand on her shoulder and knelt next to her, tears running down both of their faces as they mourned her.

Dex just looked at her, grief scrawled across his face. Fitz gently grabbed his hand, and they stood there, silent tears dripping onto the stone ground.

She wished she could have spent eternity with them. Eternity would have been nice.

Grady and Edaline came running over, the sound of their footsteps the only sound.

"No," Edaline choked. Her and Grady's eyes clouded over, the grief of losing their second daughter seeming to swallow them.

She couldn't watch anymore. She closed her teary eyes, imagined the house of her human family, and opened them to find herself right on the front doorstep.

She went to press the doorbell, only to find that her fingers passed straight through it.

_Right._

She passed through the door, the only feeling being a strange tingle.

She found Amy and her father laughing and playing checkers in the living room, Marty curled up on Amy's lap, and Watson lying by her dad's feet. As she came around the corner to see the rest of the room, she found her mom laughing with them, one of her hands resting on her very swollen belly.

Sophie smiled. Seeing them so happy...

"Okay," Amy rolled her eyes. "What about the name Sophie?"

Her mother and father looked at each other, then smiled.

"I like that name," her mother said, rubbing her stomach. "Conner?"

Her father scratched the back of his neck. "I do too."

Sophie's mother smiled widely and looked down at her stomach. "Well, then. Miss Sophie, we have picked your name."

Tears welled in her eyes again as her sister smiled at her mom's stomach.

She closed her eyes again, picturing Keefe, wherever he might be.

She opened her eyes to find that he was right where she had left him, only there were so many more people sitting around her. Alden and Della, Marella, Jensi, Prentice, Mr. Forkle, Tiergan, Livvy, Wraith, Blur, Tinker, Elwin, Juline and Kesler, Timkin and Vika, and even Stina.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, and turned around, afraid of who she might find. Bright red hair caught her attention, and she looked up at his face.

"I'm proud of you, Sophie," Kenric said softly, giving her a small smile.

A girl with blonde hair and Edaline's stunning turquoise eyes appeared beside him. "Me too."

Something tickled her hand, and she looked down to find Calla putting her hand in hers. She knelt down to the gnome, unable to speak. Calla ran a calloused hand over her cheek. "We are all so, so proud. You were beautiful, Sophie. You did so well."

Sophie could barely see. Tears were pouring out of her eyes, and she sniffed. "But... I..."

"No buts, child," Calla told her firmly. "You were braver than I ever thought that anyone could be."

Her cheeks burned, but she just wiped at her tears. "How are you here? I thought that... the Panakes..."

"Oh, child. The tree is part of me, yes, but my body... I was gone the second that tree started blooming."

"But you said—"

"You think I was an expert on Panakes?" She laughed. "I said that so you children wouldn't worry."

"Oh. I didn't... I'm..." the lump in her throat made it hard to speak, and her voice cracked. It was a small, broken noise that made the tears come flooding back.

"Shh," Calla smiled sadly, letting Sophie cry into her shoulder. "It'll be alright. I missed you too."

And so with Kenric, Jolie, and Calla, she watched her friends mourn. And when everyone else had dispersed, going back home to rest from the horrible battle that had ended in her death, Keefe carried her body back to Havenfield, her close friends and family following.

He set her gently on the grass, and Marella came forward.

She closed her eyes, tears leaking out of them, and pressed her hands to Sophie's middle. Her body quickly turned to ash, and everyone went back to the Leapmaster. She followed Keefe back to Candleshade until Calla pulled at her sleeve, just as she was walking to the door.

"We will wait here."

"Why? I need you!" Sophie protested.

"No you don't. You need to do this on your own, child."

Sophie looked at the ground, then nodded sadly. She turned back and rushed up to Keefe's room, only to find that he was getting ready to get in the shower. She shrieked, covering her eyes.

She could almost imagine him saying, _What? Can't stand this hotness? _In his cocky way. But then she uncovered her eyes, careful to only look above his chest, and saw his face. His eyes were red, his bottom lip swollen from biting it. His nose was pink from rubbing at it, and he looked absolutely miserable.

He disappeared into the bathroom, and Sophie sat on the bed, willing the air to hold her. It was very strange, not being able to feel the mattress sink under her.

Keefe came back in twenty two and a half minutes, the blood of other people and himself washed off. She sucked in a breath as she noticed the large cut on his arm, near his shoulder.

He opened a drawer, threw on some pants, and crawled into bed. She watched him collapse into the pillow, sobbing.

"Why? Why did you have to go and die on me, Foster? Why couldn't you just let me die instead?"

"I couldn't let you do that," she whispered, even though she knew he couldn't hear her. "I love you too much."

The rest of the night he spent tossing and turning for a few hours, getting up to go to the bathroom, then sobbing again. He did this again and again and again, until it was sunrise. Then he got up and went to his closet. He picked out a suit and a green tie, then went to the bathroom. He came back out with half-heartedly styled hair.

She went with him wherever he went that day, which happened to be her wanderling ceremony. They didn't replant her tree, just held the ceremony again.

Too many elves showed up. Most of them she didn't even know. Eventually, the crowd thinned, and by the time it was sunset, there were only ten elves surrounding her tree. All of them had red eyes with bags under them, as if none of them had slept. Which they probably hadn't.

Fitz took off his Cognate rings and placed them tenderly on a branch.

"To the best Cognate ever."

Dex put the panic switch ring that he had taken from her finger before her body had been burned on the same branch.

"To the best friend. Ever."

They held hands, leaning on each other as they made their way back to the Leapmaster.

Linh and Wylie knelt before her wanderling. Linh waved her hands, and mist fell just around the tiny tree. Wylie did the same, and a tiny rainbow appeared over her tree.

"To the best leader," Linh started.

"And the best protector," Wylie finished

Next, Biana and Tam came up.

Biana dipped her hand in purple paint, just like the instructor at Exillium. She gently pressed her palm against the trunk of the tree, leaving a purple handprint.

"To the girl who united us."

Tam put five pins right around the trunk. Her Exillium pins.

"To the girl who was braver than any of us."

Marella came forward next. She set down Sophie's flareadon pin, along with the alicorn one.

"To the girl who was brighter than fire."

Edaline and Grady picked themselves off of the ground. They set Ella by the trunk of the tree.

"To the girl who was the most beautiful inside and outside," Edaline whispered, her voice hoarse.

"The girl that we were proud to call our daughter," Grady added.

Tears streamed down her face as they left.

Once everyone was out of sight, Keefe sat down right in front of the tree. "Hey, Foster. I don't really have anything to give you. I'm sorry. I couldn't find anything important enough that wasn't a live alicorn." He tried to joke, but it didn't seem to help his mood. "Anyway, I... I'm so sorry. I could've saved you if I'd just been faster, or if... if... I don't know how. I just could have, and I didn't. I'm sorry."

"It wasn't your fault," she whispered, even though she knew he couldn't hear her.

She followed him as he headed back to Candleshade, and watched as he grabbed a pen and paper from his desk drawer. He started writing, but she couldn't see over his shoulder.

He flipped it over so that she was unable to see it, and put the pen back in the drawer, pulling something out instead. Metal glinted in the light as he sat down on the bed and pulled his sleeve up. No. No no no no no.

"Keefe!" She screamed, trying to wrench the knife out of his hands. Her fingers slipped through.

He took a deep breath and pushed the knife into his skin.

"_Stop!_" She sobbed. "_Keefe!_"

He just dragged the knife further across his wrist.

"_No!_"

He finished the cut, then went for another one.

She couldn't do anything. She could only watch. And she couldn't even do that. So she collapsed, sobbing tears that were silent and invisible to him.

"Please stop. Please, Keefe." She knew he couldn't hear her. Yet somehow she hoped that he did. She couldn't bear to watch him hurt himself.

She opened her eyes only to find that he hadn't stopped. He was loosing too much blood. The cuts were too deep, and he was already on the other arm. His hands were shaky, and she sobbed once more.

She tried grabbing his face to get his attention, but her hands just phased through it.

"Damnit, Keefe!" She screamed. "Just listen!"

But of course he couldn't hear, his face getting paler and paler.

"I'm sorry, Sophie," he whispered.

"_You should be!_" She screamed. "But not for... this!"

And then he collapsed, falling back onto the bed. But he kept bleeding.

"Never for this." She crawled over next to him, willing the air to support her as she laid down next to him. She curled herself into him, willing him to stay alive.

She felt his breathing get faster, and his heartbeat get slower.

"No. No!" She yelled, trying to grab onto him. "You can't die! You can't... you can't die."

And yet he did. And she felt as his heart gave its last, halfhearted beat. And then stilled.

She squeezed her eyes shut, sobbing so violently that, if she had been able to execute bodily functions, she would have vomited.

"Sophie?" A voice asked. "What—"

Her blurry eyes snapped open, and she threw herself at him. "_You fucking idiot!_"

"What?"

She slammed her hands into his chest. Finally she could touch him. Tell him how damn idiotic he'd been.

"Why would you do that!?" She screamed, eyes and nose red, cheeks tear-streaked. "Why would you die."

"I was going to break from guilt anyway." He was looking a bit sheepish now. That was a start.

"IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT!" She yelled, pushing him through walls. "It was my choice. Nothing and no one could've saved me."

"But I could—"

"NO YOU COULDN'T, YOU IDIOT! IT WAS ME AND THEM! I HAD TO DIE SO THAT YOU COULD LIVE! AND APPARENTLY THAT DIDN'T WORK SO WELL, DID IT!?"

Keefe was silent for a moment. "I'm sorry, Sophie. I... I just couldn't live in a world with out you." Tears were now streaming down his face, too. "I... I loved you for so many years, and then you finally told me that you felt the same way. And then you died. And I didn't have a chance to say goodbye, or even tell you that I loved you back. You just... died."

She stopped shoving him for a moment, thinking about what he had just said. Then she threw herself at him again, but wrapped her arms around him this time, still sobbing.

Keefe laughed through his tears. "Miss me, Foster?"

"Like your idiot brain wouldn't believe," she whispered, then pressed her lips against his.

They were so salty with both of their tears, both of them just crying into each other's lips.

"You're still a fucking idiot," she mumbled into his mouth.

He laughed. "You too."

"Me!?"

"We could've figured out something that didn't involve you dying."

"I don't think so."

"Well, it's a little too late now, isn't it?"

"I guess it is."

10 years later

"Do you think it'll ever get easier?" Dex asked his husband.

"Probably not," Fitz replied softly, a little four year old girl with startling periwinkle eyes and long dark hair and tan skin asleep on his shoulder.

"It has to get better than this," Biana whispered, tear-stains on her cheeks. Tam rubbed her back with one hand and held the hand of a pale, black-haired, teal-eyed toddler boy with the other.

"What if it doesn't?" Linh whispered. A chocolate-skinned, silver-eyed baby boy squirmed in her arms. In Wylie's arms, the other of the twins stirred, a pale little girl with big, beautiful, bright blue eyes like the sky.

"It will," Tam said, his voice thick. "It kind of has to, doesn't it?"

No one answered, all of them just staring at the two bright, blooming Wanderlings planted (and one of them re-planted) right next to each other. Both had blond-colored bark, but the similarities ended there. One had beautiful ice blue blossoms that surrounded the tree like cotton balls. The other was a weeping willow with leaves of pure gold.

"Daddy?"

"What's up, sweets?"

"Why are you crying?"

Dex wiped at his tears. "Because I'm sad that you could never meet Sophie and Keefe. They were such wonderful people."

"Why can't I meet them?"

"Oh, sweets. They're gone."

"Can I give you a hug to make you feel better?"

Dex smiled through his tears. "That would be amazing."

Fitz put his daughter down, and she ran over to Dex, hugging his legs and making him fall over.

"Bella!" Fitz scolded, cracking a small smile. Everyone smiled a bit.

"Sorry," she said, scratching at her shoulder.

"It's okay," Dex responded, smiling and brushing himself off.

"When can I take the itchy dress off?"

"Well, let's go home and we'll see about that dress. Does that sound good?"

She nodded, and everyone said their goodbyes, sniffling and hugging each other tightly.

Sophie and Keefe leaned on each other, watching as their friends left with red-rimmed eyes.

"It won't get easier watching them do that every year, for forever, will it?" Sophie whispered.

"Never. But at least we have each other," Keefe pointed out, his voice thick. He kissed the top of her head.

Sophie smiled, sighing. "Maybe."

"Definitely," Keefe corrected.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"I'm still mad at you, you know."

"Oh, I know. Your language every morning kind of implies that." He smirked, then imitated her. "Good morning, dumbass. Did you have a good sleep, idiot?"

Kenrick cleared his throat from behind them. "Language," he reminded them quietly.

Sophie glared at Keefe, but the little edge of her mouth quirked up, giving her away.

"Are you ever going to stop calling me names, by the way?" He asked, nudging her playfully.

"No, because you're a fucking idiot."

She knew that Kenric had to bite his tongue to keep from reminding her about her language.

"Well, every night I do fuck an idio—"

Sophie cleared her throat loudly, and she heard Kenric gasp.

She turned around, her face red. "He didn't actually mean that—"

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Kenric yelled, putting his fingers in his ears. "YOU BETTER USE PROTECTION, BUT I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

"Kenric. We're dead," Sophie pointed out.

"LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!"

Sophie turned back to Keefe and glared at him. "You are the absolute worst."

"I know. And you love me."

Sophie licked her finger and stuck it in his ear, making him squirm and yelp. "I do."


End file.
